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Cookies and Crises

There are so many things I could write about today; I’ve been feeling off.

So many anxious thoughts have been racing through my head these past two days, that I could write about any one of them.

Maybe it’s the sugar’s fault.

Remember how I said I was going out to eat this weekend? Well I did and it was a nice time (featuring a semi-blurry photo my dad took... you're welcome). However, when I go out to eat, I eat.

I have a tendency to overdo it.

With complimentary over-baked bread, a side salad the size of an entrée, an entrée, and a dessert whose calories equaled half of what I eat in a day, I was living it up.

I knew I was overeating, but like I said in my post, it was a treat.

Then yesterday came and I felt out of control. I was worried and anxious and really really wanted the homemade cookies my mom was making.

I can never eat just one cookie. Let’s be honest, can any of us?

The afternoon turned into a binge session of Netflix and whatever sweets I could find.

Not my finest moment, but this blog is not about fine moments… it's about real ones.

Ones that remind us each and every day how much we need a Savior-- which is what yesterday’s sugar sesh reminded me of. I had some quiet time with God and confessed my anxious overeating sin, and felt the relief and forgiveness that only He can give.

Then I got grumpy. Again. Over something little. But the mood-dampening outcome was still the same: Annoyance turned to analysis which warped to overthinking in an anxious tailspin.

That’s how I woke up this morning. Yippee.

Here’s a glimpse of some of those thoughts:

I failed my fitness progress by overeating. I overate cookies when I told myself I wasn’t going to eat any!

Why’d my mom have to make cookies anyway? How can my Dad have such self control around sweets when I feel ravenous? Why didn’t they split the dessert with me so I wouldn’t have eaten so much? Why’d I eat so much anyway?!

And why wasn’t my friend texting me

back? She was probably in a car crash and lying in a ditch. Why didn’t more people text me anyways? I’m not likable.

Maybe I need to lose weight

to be likable. But I got three compliments on my dress when I went out to eat so I am beautiful I guess. And I know I need to be content with God alone but is wanting to change how you look a bad thing?

What if I’m idolizing fitness and my appearance? What if I’m only working out to get guys to notice me? Why hasn’t God given me a boyfriend yet? I feel like I’m ready and I thought He would use the ladies in my growth group to set me up with someone but He hasn’t. I want to go back to online dating because I’m tired of waiting. But I know I have to wait for God and surrender to Him.

And I’m so worried about everything and look how many times I say ‘I’ and there’s a whole war going on! I feel guilty for even worrying about such things when my problems are nothing compared to Ukrainians'’ right now.

If you got tired reading that, welcome to my world. I’m not trying to complain or be dramatic though; rather, I hope you see that you are not alone.

Whether your worries are similar to mine, we all have them. And we all have to get them out.

Our thoughts are not His thoughts, and His ways are so much higher than ours (Is 55:8-9).

We may not know what God is doing, but rest assured, friends, He is working for our good.

And if you’re like me, feeling guilty about telling God your problems when Ukraine has way bigger ones, then let me remind you of this:

God is not burdened like we are. He knows every hair one our heads and bottles every one of our tears (Matt 10:30-31, Psalm 56:8) . He wants all of our cares and burdens, big or small (1 Peter 5:7)--

Friends, give them to Him.

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