Embracing Change

A couple weeks ago, I bought a hamster. Her name is Annalise. I don’t know why I named her that; I just liked it. But I digress.

You see, the reason why I’m disclosing this pet-loving information is because it took me months to work up the courage to buy her. As most of you have figured out by now, I love to plan, and I planned to purchase a hamster—did the research, got the habitat, etc—but failed to act on my intentions. There were a bunch of excuses I came up with—waiting for the summer, waiting to feel better, waiting to see if I’d get a boyfriend (sounds random, I know)—but ultimately, I didn’t want things to change.

Changes are scary, to put it mildly. Even good changes—like adding a pet—can make us feel out of control and uncertain and, I, for one, would rather stay in my comfort zone and rely on my plans than trust in God’s.

You see, I first got the idea to buy a hamster around my twenty-fourth birthday, when I realized that my plans—get married at twenty-four and have a baby at twenty-six—weren’t likely to occur. However, as the months went by and my marriage dreams continued to be thwarted by my singleness, the prospect of buying a pet began to signify an admittance of failure: I’d have to settle for taking care of an animal because I couldn’t procure the family I desired (pretty deep for a hamster adoption, isn’t it?).

And since I couldn’t admit that my life wasn’t turning out how I wanted it to be, I resisted the work that God was doing.

Once I finally confessed that my life wasn’t mine, but His, I embraced my season of singleness by purchasing a cute and cuddly hamster to keep me company (and honestly, He’s really grown me by adding this responsibility to my daily life; it’s a great stepping stone for having to take care of kids some day).

Coming home from that pet shop, I was proud of myself for taking charge and embracing His plans… instead of just planning and planning in an endless, fearful, mistrusting loop. What I didn’t expect, though, was how stressful this hamster-hosting transition would be.

Without even realizing it, my thoughts cycled back to her day after day. Whenever I walked by my room, I’d peak in to make sure she was still alive. But thankfully, after a week or so, my nerves subsided. Problem solved.

Then I discovered that she was climbing up onto her water bottle and chewing the top of her metal cage. Worried about her dying from metal ingestion, I removed the bottle and replaced it with a bowl. Problem solved.

Then I discovered that she’s part acrobat (seriously, she can climb the side of her tank; grab onto the mesh top with her teeny, tiny hands; and swing herself up so she’s crawling upside down across the top of her cage) and got nervous about her escaping. So I put little weights on each corner of the lid. Problem solved.

Then this weekend, I did a deep clean of her cage, which removed her scent from it. This stressed her out (got a couple hamster bites to prove it) and therefore stressed me out, so now I’m trying to be extra gentle with her. Problem solved (I hope).

All this to be said, dear readers, I love having this new pet. While I’ve had to adapt to some things, her acrobatic antics crack me up, she’s hilarious when she’s running around in her hamster ball, and it’s rewarding to be able to care for something. Little Annalise has been a positive addition to my life—despite the new stressors her arrival has introduced—and I’m so glad that the Lord inspired me to act, instead of just think.

It’s hard to surrender your plans and desires to the Lord—and trust me, it’s a daily battle to keep surrendering them—but He’s working in ways we can’t understand.

‘Cause like I said, I’m learning how to put someone else’ needs in front of my own; somehow, I think that’ll come in handy when I have a husband and kids and household and books to balance. Plus, I realize now that I’m not ready for marriage and kids. Which is probably why He hasn’t guided me to that yet (who would have thought that the all-knowing God would know such a thing?).

So, consider this a reminder: stress can be good, change can be good.

Don’t stop living your life, or moving forward in your life (even if it’s not going the way you expected it to) just because you feel uncertain or uncomfortable. Resist the discomfort and unknowns… by leaning into the comforting Presence of your known God (Deu 13:1-5).