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I've Glitched

I was out late last night. I’m feeling it today. It’s probably not what you think.

Let me clarify: By “out,” I mean at my grandpa’s birthday party. “Late,” is 8:30. And “feeling it” refers to introvert burnout.

Have you heard of that? How introverts get drained by socialization? Probably.

Let’s take it one step further then. Have you heard of HSP?

I’m an HSP– highly sensitive person.

If this is a new term for you, and if you get easily anxious like me, it might be worth some googling.

Basically, this personality type is very observant and detail-oriented, very attuned to the five senses, which makes you easily overwhelmed. Overstimulated is the fancy word, and to be frank, I do like to be fancy.

Loud noises, bright lights, long periods of socializing, can all be overstimulating to an HSP like me. Which is why I need down time… maybe more than the average person.

When I’m engaged in something, whether it’s work or socialization, I’m 100% focused and hyper-aware of everything. I get “in the zone,” you might say. But with my anxiety-prone amygdala (told you I like to be fancy… the amygdala controls fear and emotions in the brain), being “in the zone” floods me with adrenaline.

And we know what happens after adrenaline wears off. Crash.

I can feel the crash today.

By no means am I a mechanic or engineer or anyone who deals with machinery, but this is the best way I can describe this highly-sensitive-anxious-introvert crash:

My wires are fried. I’ve short circuited. Glitched. My gears are misaligned and springing out of me in every direction. I'm broken, shattered.

When I overstimulate myself (which let’s face it, is going to happen… I can’t miss birthday parties, after all), I don’t know it in the moment because I’m “in the zone.” But once I’m out of it, I feel anxious and irrational and grumpy and I don’t know why.

After I woke up, I lasted twenty minutes before I burst into tears while making breakfast. I quickly brushed them away when I heard my dad coming though, because how am I supposed to explain that I don’t know why I’m crying but my brain isn’t thinking right and the eggs are overdone and my nose is stuffy and I can’t get “Livin’ La Vida Loca” out of my head?

I short circuit and I hate it.

“When sorrow was great within me, Your presence brought me joy” (Psalm 94:19).

This is the Truth that interrupts my glitching, that soothes me and wipes my tears.

I’m glad that God knows every part of me; in my brokenness, He can put me back together.


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