This post marks week three of the unofficial Maddie's in Ireland so what are going to read about? series. Don't worry, I'm not gonna leave you hanging.
In fact, this post is less of a post and more of a journal entry.
You see, I've recently learned that journaling is helpful for me. It get's all one-thousand-and-one thoughts out of my head. So, I'm going to do something weird - I'm going to let you read some of my entries.
(I have a point to this, trust me...)
Lord, help me. I am tired and want food and feel bad. Poor [lady who passed away]. Help us. Guide us. I know You do. What do you want me to do with my food and walking, Lord? I just want to be free and don't know what that looks like. Help me, Abba. Give me clarity and Your peace. You are good. You are God. Your ways are higher than my ways and Your thoughts are higher than mine. When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, You are with me and will never leave or forsake me. Be with me in my pain and doubt. You are God and I am not. Thy will be done.
Lord, my heart hurts and I ate food to feel better. Whenever I talk about [a guy I'm on a break with], I feel sad and embarrassed and that's how I felt today with [my friend]. Please forgive me for overeating. Help me remember that Your will and Your way is so much better than mine. Thank You for comforting me and quieting me with Your love. I need You, Lord. Not rules and rituals. You. My Rock of Ages. Thank You for loving me far more than I can imagine, and certainly more than I deserve. Grow me, Abba, help me be comfortable in the uncomfortable because I am rested in You. Thy will be done.
Lord Jesus, please be with me and give me rest. I feel overstimulated because I did a lot of creative work today, which I enjoyed so much, but why do You now allow me to feel tired? My brain gets tired, God, and that is normal and okay. You are good and great and thank you for the sunset and Your creativity in me. Thy will be done, Lord, and thank You for using me for Your glory, and now for resting.
(Okay, I think three's enough.)
The reason I've shared these entries is twofold:
First, I encourage you to journal. To be real with God. To cry and yell and scream. He can take it.
Whatever you feel towards Him, give it to Him. Lay it at His feet. You'll marvel (like I now am) at how much He can change in a few short weeks.
Secondly, whether or not you go the journaling route, I think this is super important - when you pray (aka, talk to God), don't forget to be thankful.
The Psalms are full of lament and anger, but they have a structure that turns them back to praise. That, my friends, is what we need to do. We can cry out to God... and then cry His praises.
Make the conscious effort to say thank You. Choose to focus on His goodness, provision, and love.
Fix your heart (and thoughts) on Him. Trust me, it makes all the difference.
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