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My Testimony


Hi friends! I wanted to share my testimony and I pray that God speaks through me.


I've always been a worrier. The fear, dread, and unease are as natural to me as my own heartbeat. When I was 14, I invited Jesus into my weary heart. Since then, He has been growing and freeing me, and this last year has been a wondrous testimony to that.


Ten months ago, I was preparing to go to college. I was scared out of my mind, but hopeful that God would make a way at Messiah College.


Starting college was much harder than I expected. There was so much newness that I felt like I was drowning. The worry that had been my lifelong companion had morphed into a hurricane that was quickly pulling me under. I ended up getting diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and in the winter, I discovered that I also have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Through the help of my family, friends, counseling, and medication, I have been able to manage these disorders.


And as I have been learning how to cope with my anxiety disorders, God has been teaching me about something: acceptance.


Its no shock that we all have things that we are unhappy about. Whether that is our appearance, spiritual state, or something else, we find ourselves discontent. For me, I can become very discontent when thinking about my anxiety.


It sucks when your brain doesn't listen to you. When you start to panic and you are gasping for breath and shaking and crying. When the briefest thought can set off the alarm bells. When you can't get rid of the terror that is overtaking you.


But God has been showing me that He is working in my pain. Sometimes I wish I never went to college because then my anxiety wouldn't have gotten so bad. But if it hadn't, I wouldn't have gotten help. I would still be living in chains of terror.


The temporary pain that my anxiety has caused me has paved the way to my freedom.

God is teaching me to "be content in all circumstances" (Phil 4:11) because He only works for our good (Rom 8:28). Our current pain is temporary, but God's work is eternal. He is not letting us suffer in vain, but for His good purpose.


Take heart and draw near to God, friends. Leave your burdens at His feet, watch Him work. Remember the God who saves. Trust Him with your heart; soon you will see that your tears were the waters that allowed you to grow and flourish. Have hope.

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