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Silly Secrets?

God has a sense of humor. I know this because I’ve been keeping a secret. Now, it’s not a major secret, but it’s still a hidden thing, nonetheless. 


My secret is that I really struggle with writing these blogs. 


Week after week, when the day rolls around to write these things, I scramble. Without fail. And it’s not because I have no ideas; it’s actually the opposite. I have too many ideas… 


But not enough content to flesh them out. 


Hooks are easy for me to come up with. I can crank out ten different starters for ten different topics in a matter of minutes.


The problem is that my words quickly fizzle out. It’s the same with the books I write—the initial excitement wanes as I realize that a lot of work (and words) are ahead of me. 


But here’s the funny part…


Of all the time I spend testing out topics, out of the plethora of ideas milling about in my mind, I almost never blog about them. Because God always gives me something different to write about. 


I wonder and stress and fret, when He has something better planned all along.


Don’t believe me? This was my (nonpublished) intro for last week:


I’m gonna let you in on a little secret - I usually don’t enjoy writing these blogs. Now, I know that sounds bad, a writer not wanting to write. But the thing is, it’s because I put too much pressure on myself. 


When I’m getting ready to write a new blog, a thousand and one ideas blast through my brain. Hooks and intros and then I discard them for a newer, better idea. One that I have enough thoughts to talk about. 


This seems to be my problem, in all honesty; I have a hard time finding something that I can write a couple pages about. Short little analogies and lessons? Sure. But content for an entire post is harder. 


So, as a recovering perfectionist, I’m deciding to quit (to the best of my abilities) stressing over these blog topics. 


God doesn’t work within a set timeframe - like a 2 page minimum or a three-minute-read pace - so why should I? Why restrict myself to one topic, if He’s giving me little insights on multiple topics to talk about? 


I can’t answer those ‘why’s either. 


(Now, doesn’t that intro sound oddly familiar?)


I had planned on writing about blogging last week. But instead, the sentences that followed were about muscles (quite a topic shift, I know). And the time before that, my ideas were interrupted by a cardinal. Or a pretty sky. Or a particularly moody toddler. 


It seems like, without fail, my plans never turn out how I think they will. And friends, I’m not just talking about writing here. 


A mere moments ago, I volunteered to help with something at church… that’s tomorrow. 


If you know anything about me, then you’ll know that I am not a fan of last-minute changes. I need to mentally prepare, reconfigure my schedule (even though I work from home and have no set hours 95% of the time), and just think it through. 


But not today. Today, I just agreed to something that is so not me… but so Him. 


I saw a need. Knew I could help. Said 'yes'. That was it.


God’s intervened yet again, changing my plans for His greater one.


And I think there's a deeper lesson here:


How many times do we agonize over the details, when God has them all figured out?


How often do we find ourselves stressing on the same topic... over and over and over again?


Maybe it's time that our faith in God's provision becomes greater than our fear.


And maybe this is why I started this post saying that God's got a sense of humor. The writer's block isn't important, nor is it really the main message of this post (look at that, I've strayed from my intended topic yet again!).


In reality, I think the Lord wants me to reveal a secret that is very different from the (lighthearted) one I planned...


My secret is that, for every one moment where I stepped out in faith, there've been 100 moments where I didn't.


And I don't know about you, but I want to flip that ratio; I want to say yes to God a million times more than I say no.


I don't want my fear to be bigger than my faith.


What about you?


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