You know that whole surrender thing I was talking about yesterday? Turns out it's not as easy as I made it out to be.
Simple, yes, but not easy.
It reminds me of some instructions Jesus would give: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).
Clear and concise, right? Simple-- deny yourself, take up your cross, follow.
Easy? No way.
That's what I didn't mention in yesterday's post. Surrendering your life, and your need to control your life, is simple but nowhere near easy.
God reminded me of that just a few short hours after I published the post:
I got worried. About my schedule, about revising it to include all of this extra freelancing and blogging time on top of school.
Last night, I spent 2 hours writing out my weekly schedule in excruciating detail, and I mean, breaking down my days into quarter-hour time slots detailed. Once that was done, I wrote this handy disclaimer at the top of the page:
"This is a flexible schedule-- I will be okay if it changes of if the times are not exact."
Told you I like to plan.
But here's what this 2 hour tirade taught me: moderation is key.
I know myself. I know when I cross the line from rational thought into anxious thought, and I could tell I was heading into anxiety territory.
I was starting to go over my schedule again and again in my head, like a tornado of terror (or something equally scary. Maybe a hurricane of horror. Apparently I'm all about alliterating weather events today. Okay, let's get back on track here... my bad).
So, I took action. I decided I'd write my schedule out, getting it out of my head so I wouldn't keep thinking about it.
While this did take time, I had to do it, and wouldn't you know, then I wasn't freaking out anymore! I could actually sleep in peace!
Now, what does this have to do with moderation?
It's simple: avoid the extremes.
In this case, obsessively planning for basically every waking moment is not healthy, but neither is having absolutely no plan and surfing through Netflix all day.
I need to plan sometimes, just not all the time. It's about the context, the circumstances, and most importantly, the why.
Am I planning out of wisdom because I know I work best with schedules, or am I acting out of panic?
Discerning this is not easy, but with time, you begin to know yourself, and know the God who you serve.
God is not a God of ease, but of simplicity. He never promises us that life will be easy-- actually, he says the opposite in John 16:33-- but He will make our paths clear, if we submit to him (Prov 3:5-6).
So I think that's what I'm going to start focusing on.
I can live a life of surrender while still being a planner. I just need moderation.
Simple, right? It's a good thing that God's mercy is never-ending.
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