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Simple Doesn't Mean Easy

You know that whole surrender thing I was talking about yesterday? Turns out it's not as easy as I made it out to be.

Simple, yes, but not easy.

It reminds me of some instructions Jesus would give: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).

Clear and concise, right? Simple-- deny yourself, take up your cross, follow.

Easy? No way.

That's what I didn't mention in yesterday's post. Surrendering your life, and your need to control your life, is simple but nowhere near easy.

God reminded me of that just a few short hours after I published the post:

I got worried. About my schedule, about revising it to include all of this extra freelancing and blogging time on top of school.

Last night, I spent 2 hours writing out my weekly schedule in excruciating detail, and I mean, breaking down my days into quarter-hour time slots detailed. Once that was done, I wrote this handy disclaimer at the top of the page:

"This is a flexible schedule-- I will be okay if it changes of if the times are not exact."

Told you I like to plan.

But here's what this 2 hour tirade taught me: moderation is key.

I know myself. I know when I cross the line from rational thought into anxious thought, and I could tell I was heading into anxiety territory.

I was starting to go over my schedule again and again in my head, like a tornado of terror (or something equally scary. Maybe a hurricane of horror. Apparently I'm all about alliterating weather events today. Okay, let's get back on track here... my bad).

So, I took action. I decided I'd write my schedule out, getting it out of my head so I wouldn't keep thinking about it.

While this did take time, I had to do it, and wouldn't you know, then I wasn't freaking out anymore! I could actually sleep in peace!

Now, what does this have to do with moderation?

It's simple: avoid the extremes.

In this case, obsessively planning for basically every waking moment is not healthy, but neither is having absolutely no plan and surfing through Netflix all day.

I need to plan sometimes, just not all the time. It's about the context, the circumstances, and most importantly, the why.

Am I planning out of wisdom because I know I work best with schedules, or am I acting out of panic?

Discerning this is not easy, but with time, you begin to know yourself, and know the God who you serve.

God is not a God of ease, but of simplicity. He never promises us that life will be easy-- actually, he says the opposite in John 16:33-- but He will make our paths clear, if we submit to him (Prov 3:5-6).

So I think that's what I'm going to start focusing on.

I can live a life of surrender while still being a planner. I just need moderation.

Simple, right? It's a good thing that God's mercy is never-ending.


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