top of page

Stupid Leaps of Faith



Two weeks ago I did something that had the potential of being the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. And let me preface this by saying that, from a medical standpoint, don’t try this at home.



Two weeks ago I got off my anxiety meds. Cold turkey.



If you’ve ever been on mental-health-related meds before, you’re probably cringing. When I made this choice, I certainly was.


So why’d I do it?


I had been talking (okay, more like sobbing) to my boyfriend on our daily Skype call, telling him how stressed and overwhelmed and tired I was. It’s so tiring to be fighting your thoughts all the time.


Being the amazing man that he is, he was trying to give me solutions–one of which was to use actual coping strategies and renew my mind, instead of just being dependent on meds. Because that’s what I was doing; I just couldn't see it at first.


I didn’t like what he was telling me. I got snippy and defensive and was adamant that I needed meds and he didn’t understand.


So I said something so outlandish that I was sure it would prove him wrong: “I’ll make you a deal; you research anxiety disorders and I’ll go off my meds for a week.”



That’s what started this med-stopping choice of mine: spite. But the more we talked and the more I listened, God started softening my heart.



I realized that I didn’t want to be dependent on meds my whole life; I didn’t want to be treating the psychiatric symptoms and not the psychological, emotional, and spiritual core.


And I made my choice.


I knew quitting cold turkey was a stupid thing to do, but I didn’t want to wean myself off. A year before, I had experienced myself with only half a dosage of meds, so I expected this experience to be even worse. I didn’t want to prolong the pain by slowing decreasing my dosage, because I was concerned that I’d back out. That I’d let the pain get the best of me.


So, cold turkey it was. Again, I knew how painful and not-doctor-recommended that would likely be.


But we prayed. My boyfriend prayed for my healing and I asked our God for the same.



And I trusted that, by my big step of faith—willingly leaping into a painful unknown in order to follow where He was guiding me—God would bless me.



And friends, He did… abundantly.


I’m not exaggerating when I say that I felt no different. Zero withdrawal effects, no extra anxiety… at all. In fact, I felt BETTER. For the first time since my anxiety diagnosis, I was fully relying on Him alone, and I felt so safe and protected by my Savior and Healer.


Doing something stupid turned out to be really renewing for me. And I’m not saying you should do this exact stupid thing, or really any stupid things, but what I will say is this:


If you feel tethered to something that isn’t God, if you feel dependent on something besides Him, talk to Him about it. Open your heart to Him and ask for discernment. Ask God to guide you and bring you closer to Him.


Once you give Jesus permission to work in you, He certainly will.



Comments


bottom of page