I’ve never been good at waiting. Maybe I should blame my parents, spoiling me like the only-child princess that I was (and am). Or maybe I should blame my anxiety– taking away my self-control in a fight-or-flight induced angst.
Or maybe I should just blame myself. Because really, I don’t like to wait. I want what I want when I want it (aka now!)
It’s how I am, in all my sinfulness and imperfection.
And let’s be honest, it’s how you are too.
Waiting is not something any of us enjoy, and that’s okay– we may struggle with patience now, but we won’t always.
God is patient, and He can help us become more patient too.
I’ll give you an example:
For as long as I can remember (seriously, I’m talking like kindergarten, here), I wanted a boyfriend. I know, it may sound silly, but Ariel and Cinderella and Belle were my BFFs back then, and I wanted a prince of my own.
I have elementary-era diaries detailing which boy I “liked” that day; but of course, by the next day, he’d do something that would make me switch to another boy. I wrote about a lot of boys back then; kind of normal, I think.
But the older I got, the more anxious I became. I didn’t just want a prince anymore– I needed a guy to like me, to validate my worth. By this time, I had given my heart to Jesus, but I was still in a tug-of-war between the Prince and my imaginary ones.
I’ll skim over the painful and frustrating details, but needless to say, I didn’t find a prince… because I was searching for one.
Even in college, it just never worked. I always felt like I was striving, forcing, trying, desperately, to find the one for me.
Last August, I decided I was done. No more dating apps, no more trying, just Jesus. I prayed for contentment in Christ alone, and patience in my waiting. I prayed that God would write my love story.
The months went on and I got annoyed. Waiting isn’t fun, especially when you are bombarded with Valentine’s Day photos and engagement announcements. But God had put this business on my heart, and that kept me busy.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to God and had probably the craziest thought I’ve ever had:
God, I don’t want a guy right now. I don’t have time for a relationship; I need to get this business going.
Insane. It took me twenty-one years to fully realize that I didn’t need or want a guy… because God was enough for me.
As soon as I got to that place of acceptance, this was God’s reply: You’re ready.
Of course I didn’t know that at the time, but now I can see it– I needed to surrender to the waiting, to God’s plan, before He could step in. I needed to give Him permission to rule in my life.
And once I gave Him full control, He went to work– putting dating apps back on my heart, and now one guy in particular.
The wait– the pain, the confusion, the angst– has been 100% worth it, friends.
I know waiting is hard, I know it hurts. But take heart because the Lord is with you in the waiting; He is with you always (Joshua 1:9).
Surrender to Him and rest as He works… He’s not done.
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