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When It Hurts Too Much

Sometimes all you need is a good cry. I don’t really like crying, but it can help an awful lot.

Yesterday was tough. My mind was racing with anxious thoughts, leaving me bogged down and sorrowful. Nothing seemed to be going right.

Then I went numb.

Last night I was working on a digital illustration for the novel I’m writing. After a few hours, I was almost finished. I went to click on another layer of the image and–

It shut down.

The program closed and when I tried to open it back up, there was no record of my saved illustration. I tried everything, then when I was too frustrated to speak, I passed it onto my graphic-designer dad and he tried everything.

Nothing. All that work, and my project was gone.

That’s why I went numb. If you’re being technical, you could say that depression was setting in.

Anxiety and depression is an evil combination. Both are horrible on their own, but together… yikes.

Let me paint a picture for you:

Imagine yourself floating in the water, just minding your own business. You could even close your eyes if you want.

Suddenly, you feel a tight grip on your wrist, yanking your arms over your head and binding them with thick rope. Holding onto the rope is a giant brown monster, filthy and hairy and whatever your worst nightmare is. Laughing it’s evil laugh, the monster pulls the rope and you fly out of the water, being flung around like a rag doll.

Then your legs almost rip out of their sockets. They’ve been bound, but in the opposite direction. Instead of pulling you up and swinging you around, cold iron chains wrap their icy grip around your ankles, pulling you down. Down, back into the water, dragging you to the bottom like a slowly sinking anchor.

You are being yanked in opposite directions; anxiety flinging you around

with never-ending thoughts, depression

weighing you down because those thoughts hurt too much.

A lethal combination, isn’t it?

Thankfully, we don’t have to go through this alone. I remembered this and, quite literally, cried out to God for help.

And He does. Always and forever, He helps us. He may not snap His fingers and zap our problems away, but His very presence is all we need.

Oftentimes, I use Isaiah 41:10 to remind me of this, and it is with this verse that I leave you today:

Do not be afraid, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”


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