What do you do when life seems dark? I ask because, for the past month or so, I've been on a journey of experimenting with my anxiety medication. And well, let's just say that there have been some depressing side effects...
That have ultimately led me back to the medicine I started with.
But, this season of mental anguish (not exaggerating here; it's weird when a pill makes you euphoric one moment and then depressed the next) has made me learn a lot more about fighting fear.
Which is what we're going to be talking about today. Because whether or not you have an anxiety disorder, we all struggle with fear.
For me, when I get afraid, I’m either a shaky, panicky mess... or I want to lay down and think think think for hours on end (that’s called ruminating, in case you were curious).
And recently, the Lord has shown me a solution to this stopping what you’re doing and staring into space while thinking about the same thing over and over again type of anxiety.
It’s pretty simple:
Don’t lay down (or sit or stay in bed or whatever you do when you get in a spiraling thought cycle)!
I know this may seem obvious—or incredibly frustrating, depending on your mood right now—but I’m telling you this because it is very easy to follow the fear patterns we are accustomed to.
Like today, for instance.
A writer probably shouldn’t tell her readers this, but I don’t really jump for joy at the thought of writing this blog.
In fact, the way the past few weeks have been, I don’t really feel like writing at all.
If not for the grace of God, I would’ve been spending today (and yesterday, and probably the day before that) laying on the floor (I don’t know why I find the floor so soothing when I’m stressed) and obsessing over things outside of my control that can apparently become in my control if I just think long enough.
I would’ve been there for hours, to say the least. I’d never have left the floor, actually.
But I urge you, dear readers, to commit to not laying down, or in more eloquent terms, resisting the urge to waste the day worrying endlessly.
I know it’s hard. I know you want to listen to the fear. But please, just try. I promise you, God is greater than the fear. He will help you... hopefully by using me!
Because here’s the thing:
If I listened to my anxious self, if I vegged out and became one with my hardwood floor, you would not have read this blog post.
Or any of my posts, for that matter.
You see, when I'm in an anxious mindset (aka, like half of the time), I become nervous about tackling a new post. Week after week after week. Because I could do so many easier things than write about big topics like faith and fear.
And really, who am I to be teaching about this anyway? I succumb to my fears daily!
But, through this trialing, terrifying season, God's worked.
When I chose not to be think-think-thinking on the floor, when I pushed through the stress in an act of faith, He reminded me of something...
What did God tell Moses when he doubted his calling to represent the Israelites and fight for them against Pharaoh (sorry, a bit wordy, I know)?
“I will surely be with you” (Ex 3:12).
That’s it, friends. That’s why I’m writing even when I don’t feel like it.
Who am I to write this?
The question should be, Who is He?
He is the great I AM and I’m going to listen to Him instead of my fears. I urge you to do the same.
Do not lay down. Do not let fear take over your day. Make the choice; that’s the first step.
Choose I AM over what if.